just thought i would say thankyouuuuuu for listening and praying for me.
this week i have really seen the power of prayer and the power of a likeminded community that seeks Jesus first in fellowship. i'm so thankful for being proved wrong time and again. i am fickle and quick to doubt, meek in my faith but God always parts seas so that he can bring me to safety and reassure me to be still- he is God.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
praying for help
trying to read the bible but my mind jumps around and my stomach sinks. there's this thick wall between me and God's word lately, all i'm living off of is what i remember. i feel like i've been running on empty for a while- but God's been really good to me, merciful to me, compassionate towards me though I know that I've been talking his ear off and i feel like i've been talking, screaming, crying my heart out and i'm just so out of breath i can't talk anymore. i just want to be silent and soak him in for days. the world around me just knocks me around inside this enclosed space, my schedule, my location, my gut, my fear and reluctance.
if you read this please pray for me. i'm so easily distracted and i'm ready for some real change, change that smashes me into nothing and molds me into something new, better, more of everything good. you know i really can't be proud of anything i have and my self confidence dips from humble to humiliated to desperately compromising in my head. i just want to be happy, joyful and stop lookin so deep into myself to find all the countlessly broken parts. that's not where i should start, i should start with looking at Jesus and how he is completely whole, and completely mine- that i am his to break, mold, and love. i just WANT it so badly. pray for me that this imaginary wall would stop overwhelming me. i need more than what i have here, i feel directionless among other bad things. i dont' feel far from God at all, i just know that if i love him i should keep his commandments, and i DO love him, i just want to glorify him more and love him more, i have the love and the desire to be changed- i just need to go look for Jesus, and be changed by his words. i just get so overwhelmed and frustrated when i sit down to read the bible, i feel like i have a problem that can only leave me with prayer so.... please pray for me
have a lot to share as far as how this semester has been, i turned 21 which was wonderful, but a huge wake up call as far as feeling like i'm way too immature for my age (trying to not let it overwhelm me. trying to get my life in order) and it's immaturity in a way no one can see, which makes it difficult to talk with people about. i feel really two faced lately. trying to distance myself in a healthy way. need to stop feeling like if i back out of something, the whole world will crumble. afjslkd;fhaoweifldknv,mbhoueuhifbjkduhp89yxhdukjew,mfnjhdsfpyz89duhrkjfdspycuihkjewaf
i know Jesus loves me i just want to be changed to be ready for whatever is ahead, whatever decision comes in march/april... cal arts or not, i'll undergo some immense change. God i need to stop worrying and start trusting and submitting to being molded i am just really displeased with myself but i know the answer ya know
ya know.....
if you read this please pray for me. i'm so easily distracted and i'm ready for some real change, change that smashes me into nothing and molds me into something new, better, more of everything good. you know i really can't be proud of anything i have and my self confidence dips from humble to humiliated to desperately compromising in my head. i just want to be happy, joyful and stop lookin so deep into myself to find all the countlessly broken parts. that's not where i should start, i should start with looking at Jesus and how he is completely whole, and completely mine- that i am his to break, mold, and love. i just WANT it so badly. pray for me that this imaginary wall would stop overwhelming me. i need more than what i have here, i feel directionless among other bad things. i dont' feel far from God at all, i just know that if i love him i should keep his commandments, and i DO love him, i just want to glorify him more and love him more, i have the love and the desire to be changed- i just need to go look for Jesus, and be changed by his words. i just get so overwhelmed and frustrated when i sit down to read the bible, i feel like i have a problem that can only leave me with prayer so.... please pray for me
have a lot to share as far as how this semester has been, i turned 21 which was wonderful, but a huge wake up call as far as feeling like i'm way too immature for my age (trying to not let it overwhelm me. trying to get my life in order) and it's immaturity in a way no one can see, which makes it difficult to talk with people about. i feel really two faced lately. trying to distance myself in a healthy way. need to stop feeling like if i back out of something, the whole world will crumble. afjslkd;fhaoweifldknv,mbhoueuhifbjkduhp89yxhdukjew,mfnjhdsfpyz89duhrkjfdspycuihkjewaf
i know Jesus loves me i just want to be changed to be ready for whatever is ahead, whatever decision comes in march/april... cal arts or not, i'll undergo some immense change. God i need to stop worrying and start trusting and submitting to being molded i am just really displeased with myself but i know the answer ya know
ya know.....
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