fudge

feeling overwhelmed. feeling unloved. this goes in such steep waves, here at vcu. i'm just so exhausted.

also i just hate franklin terrace. seriously in a basement all day. vcu itself is not a pretty place. richmond's cool- franklin terrace sucks.

i just want my family. i want to know my dad will be okayyyyyyyyyyyy i also want to know if my brother will be okayyyyyyyyyeeeeeeee.

i just want someone to hug me and laugh with me, be with me, and talk about jesus with me and at least try to love me back unconditionally. i love my mom. i love erin. i love rachel. i love victoria. i love meleia and ciera. i love my small group.

i don't feel supported or encouraged------- however, this, too goes in waves. but my sinful heart is so deceiving and tells me so many lies that make me afraid, timid, sad, dumb. but when i bounce back , it is so easy to see how foolish it is to feel that way. it's just so easy to slip. durererpghp.

i'm like a pen whose nib runs out of ink. now i'm just scratching at the paper, cutting the paper. all the work but with nothing to show for it but scratches and cuts. i need to return to the well, be replenished of ink. it's so foolishly human when i don't cling to what is so obviously missing.
but i don't know how exactly to fix all this with jesus. i pray about it all day. i just don't have a large lot of joy, but it is there, in waves, like i said- it's almost more like bittersweet. but i am trying my best to be patient.

http://www.christcenteredmall.com/teachings/fruits/longsuffering.htm