this is kind of an embarrassing story and makes me look really lame and not fun, but MIND YOU I LIVED IN THE DESERT FOR half my life so shhh
anyways
i went snowboarding today at Keystone, and at the end of the day we did night ski. i ended up living out the weirdest metaphor ever for how God is the ski patrol and how i tried so hard for so long to get down the cold, dark, lonesome mountain after my friends left me (very understandably though haha), but had no idea how. never learned to do anything else except heelside which is lame, but after some time left me in excruciating pain. so i was in pain/had no idea what i was doing or how i was going to get down considering my body couldn't do what i needed it to do, and on top of that, i ended up getting very lost and ended up walking probably a mile n a half in boots which made me see that i needed the ski patrol and also that i am neither a skiing or snowboarding person, but a hiking downhilll and awkwardly talk to strangers person. all 3 people i encountered walking downhill all encouraged me in the weirdest ways, were all different but layering influences that eventually made me realize that that was what the ski patrol was for- that all i had to do was overcome my pride and admit to someone, the only person who could really help me, the ski patrol operator, that i simply could not do it. i was in pain. i was lost. i was in over my head and had nooo flippin idea how much longer i would have to walk if i didn't call
i earlier on the trial went to the emergency phone and thought about using it- but it was big, red, daunting and had a lock on it. i figured my problem was too small and they had better things to do than to help me, someone who basically gave up. so i kept walking- at one point some lady crashed right beside me and asked me about where the gondola was- looking like she was ready to give up, too. i told her i "wasn't feeling well" and she said, "oh honey. you don't plan on walking all the way down do you?" went on to say that i had at least a couple miles ahead of me. i let on to her that i just simply couldn't snowboard any more. she ENCOURAGED me to call the ski patrol- that's what they are there for. i was like wat. and saw that another emergency phone was right across the way from me. i didn't miss my chance- the ski patrol is never far. all i had to do was call. i ran over, and when i called i apologized explaining i wasn't really injured but didn't know how, and couldn't get down the mountain on my own. the guy told me it was totally fine and that they got calls like that all the time. i was relieved to know that i didn't have to be missing a limb in order to call.
i guess i was under the impression they were going to bring one of those snowmobiles legit looking with lights and poo poo. but instead, a single man showed up and addressed me by name, he told me his name was joe and pulled up a safety sled that i didn't realize was a safety sled. he was going to carry me down.
i got in and he warned me to put my goggles on cos his skis would kick up snow. he told me to hold on, and we started moving and it was really fun and nice and cool and realized it was pathetically and hilariously the most fun i had since being there that day, and i wished i had done it sooner. THEN: we came to the steep part of the run, and he warned me that he would have to go "a bit faster in these parts, so hold on." at this point i became scared, but had no choice but to fully have faith in him and trust him that he would protect me and make certain that i wouldn't get flung into the woods to get impaled by a tree. to someone who had only ever loafed down a hill heelside, he was going SO SO SO FAST. i was impressed, worried, scared, but also realized that he knew what he was doing a thousand times more than i ever did on my decent. i then let go of my fear and let him carry me, and i just enjoyed the ride and being pelted in the face with the powder from under his skis.
when we were finally done, i had just got done having this epiphany that God put me on that damn mountain to experience some sort of physical analogy of what it is like to walk in our sinful, helpless, aimless state,(i was in pain, lost, alone and confused). but he also wanted me to physically feel the thrill, fear, joy, relief that comes with placing your trust in Christ, the only person who can save us- who is always there, will always come to us, is never far.but in light of what condition we are in, and seeing what is available to us in Christ, what we NEED is this:
to first REALIZE that we are helpless and unable to make the decent demanded of us on our own, and second, to REALIZE that the emergency phone is there for that very reason, and lastly to PICK UP THE PHONE, and tell the operator your emergency, no matter how pathetic you think it might sound.
life after that phone call includes a warning- that God might be fun for a while, but trusting in him to carry you also includes trusting that his knowledge, his love, his will and thoughts are much beyond our understanding (Isaiah 55:8) we do not know the decent like he knows it. we do NOT KNOW HOW TO SNOWBOARD. WE DON'T. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SNOWBOARD AND I LOVE JOE THE SKI PATROL GUY and when i got off the thing, like i said, i just had this mind blowing awkward spiritual revelation while he was sledding me down the mountain, and so i think i may have thanked him too much. just kept saying thank you so much i'll remember this and ended up walking away without my board and he was like derp hey don't forget your-- oh yes i might need that thank you joe hey thanks again, seriously thank you so much, thanks, thanmk you, thanks so much, than aksdahtk athanks thatskansfaw;elh
some of us might be missing limbs, have broken equipment, be lost, have a stomach ache, have hypothermia or have become just plain exhausted to the point of tears from the endless trial and error that comes without a teacher. but all of us have one thing in common that the ski patrol understands and is compassionate towards- we can't get down the mountain on our own. we need the ski patrol. we need God's grace, we need Jesus.
praise God
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
zzzzzzzZzzZzz
so i put off my final animation project until the last possible minute. that minute is right now, and i came all the way to the library to scan my images because my scanner doesn't work, don't want to use hannah's, etc, blah, blahblablha. the library is 24 hours this week, but the media center IS NOT! if i was not a Christian i would be havinga complete life melt down, but no, right now i am sitting on the 3rd floor of the library having some real peace.
i think one of the most exhilarating things about my faith is being reminded again and again how intentional God's plan is. I think sometimes, he definitely makes it way more obvious to me, over other people, what he's up to- which is a huge blessing, that he has given me a heart that sees him moving,especially in the hard times- times like right now. but seriously so many events in my life are so interlaced it blows my mind. God is living for me, through me-- and he's proven it so many times but still i doubt and i worry about carrying myself. blablhbalha.
liek this morning- i woke up 40 minutes later than i wanted to- then i biked here to campus, and ran into nicole little. i think that every time i see nicole little, i know it is by absolutely no means an accident haha. i love her so much and we both got to encourage each other for our final test/project that morning, and neither of us had slept muchh hahaha. so seeing her was just encouragement alone that everything is in his timing. i'm sitting here in the library, exhausted and about to cry just because he's so good and faithful and i should have failed ten times over by now, but i'm still afloat. i can't wait for this month.... i feel like there is no way it can't be the best month of my life- just because i really want to turn it over to spiritual rest and renewal- not just escape.i am so blessed to have this opportunity to go home, because i need it so badly. i'm so blessed to have my family and my few amazing friends in Colorado- i have never been so encouraged as i was over Thanksgiving break. i was completely astounded when reminded of what it is like to be loved by others selflessly. meleia, when i apologized for not writing her back and being bad at keeping in touch, just told me to shut up and that she hadn't heard my voice in person for four months and that she didn't care, all that mattered was being there now. SEIROUSLY THAT WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE SWEETEST THINGS ANYONE HAS EVER TOLD MEEEEEEEE AHHHHHHBALHGAH.last summer was amazing.. i just want to sleep right now urhg.
night night
jk finishing project thankyouGod
i think one of the most exhilarating things about my faith is being reminded again and again how intentional God's plan is. I think sometimes, he definitely makes it way more obvious to me, over other people, what he's up to- which is a huge blessing, that he has given me a heart that sees him moving,especially in the hard times- times like right now. but seriously so many events in my life are so interlaced it blows my mind. God is living for me, through me-- and he's proven it so many times but still i doubt and i worry about carrying myself. blablhbalha.
liek this morning- i woke up 40 minutes later than i wanted to- then i biked here to campus, and ran into nicole little. i think that every time i see nicole little, i know it is by absolutely no means an accident haha. i love her so much and we both got to encourage each other for our final test/project that morning, and neither of us had slept muchh hahaha. so seeing her was just encouragement alone that everything is in his timing. i'm sitting here in the library, exhausted and about to cry just because he's so good and faithful and i should have failed ten times over by now, but i'm still afloat. i can't wait for this month.... i feel like there is no way it can't be the best month of my life- just because i really want to turn it over to spiritual rest and renewal- not just escape.i am so blessed to have this opportunity to go home, because i need it so badly. i'm so blessed to have my family and my few amazing friends in Colorado- i have never been so encouraged as i was over Thanksgiving break. i was completely astounded when reminded of what it is like to be loved by others selflessly. meleia, when i apologized for not writing her back and being bad at keeping in touch, just told me to shut up and that she hadn't heard my voice in person for four months and that she didn't care, all that mattered was being there now. SEIROUSLY THAT WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE SWEETEST THINGS ANYONE HAS EVER TOLD MEEEEEEEE AHHHHHHBALHGAH.last summer was amazing.. i just want to sleep right now urhg.
night night
jk finishing project thankyouGod
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Sex
i am physically a virgin but my mind is far gone. i must say i’ve come to a point to where everything sexy, sexual, devious, seductive is just boring to me now. it is so shoved down my throat that i need acceptance from other people, and that the chief aim of everything i do is to be sexually attractive to both men AND women who measure themselves against me, and i against them. that sort of victory of being the best, the prettiest, the sexiest is just tasteless in my mouth. it is nothing anymore. sex has become boring. i have become bored with myself, with my body and with my mystique. when i see myself in the mirror i have no opinion anymore. it’s just flesh and bones, a blur of things necessary for my survival. don’t know how i can play that up, so i just don’t. i think i have successfully dodged that sort of judgmental limelight so many girls become trapped in, but i feel that if i didn’t have christ, what i’ve come to in my sexuality would be extremely depressing. but no… i am enthralled by the fact that there is more to sexuality that meets the eye and skin. that God created sexuality to be a model that proclaims the same love that Jesus loves the church with. God’s love. i am excited that my sexuality does not glorify myself or other people. what kind of life is that? the further i’ve come in this realization the more i see that sex is not an act just that consecrates how much two people love one another. in light of the gospel, sex is marriage, two becoming one. “sex” is spiritual intimacy and surrender. it is the day by day unity that comes from loving like Jesus loves us- by loving selflessly.
Philippians 2:5-8
“ In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in very nature[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!”
marriage, sex, oneness with one other person for the rest of your life involves death of your own desires. to lay down yourself so that the other may be exalted, and in their exaltation, your joy becomes complete..
John 15 talks about The Vine and the Branches… with discernment, read this passage and try to see what it means for a husband to love his wife like Jesus loves the church when you read this. What kind of love is now available to us in our unity? what does this mean for the way we love each other? what sort of desires will we have to lay down so that this love can become more complete in our relationships with one another?
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
I obviously do not have to explain that in Genesis, what “be fruitful” means. but i also obviously do not have to explain that having a fruitful relationship means so much more than just having children.
Genesis 1:28
“And God blessed them: and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”
this is the American Standard Version that uses the phrase “replenish the earth and subdue it.” i really love that, because it just encourages us as single christians to realize the immense importance of waiting for God to bless us with a relationship in which Christ is absolutely the center. By having a marriage with another person where God’s love is abounding because of their mutual humility, commitment to persevere in love, this verse is a promise that by that example, our example as Christian lovers we can replenish the earth. i can already see that in the world with people i know myself- i have been exposed to many, many dysfunctional relationships and marriages in my life and i know that God has done it for a reason. by seeing all that brokenness that comes when Christ is not actively the center- when i see marriages that are striving in fruitfulness in terms of faith, love, generosity and wisdom, i feel so encouraged and excited and reassured and it really does absolutely proclaim God’s glory. that is nuts. what God intended for marriage is where sexuality is made whole- and this whole time as a teenager, i have been exposed to just one side to it that has been warped beyond my full understanding. it is not about me, it is not about what people see, it is not about the man i love. it is about knowing what it’s like to persevere and love in longsuffering just like Jesus did for us. THAT, is something i will never get bored of. i am absolutely sure of that.
i have found that lately i have actually become excited when things get horrible, because i know that on the other side of my trials i will have come to know God more, and that i will be more conformed to Jesus Christ’s love, and i will be one step closer to loving the world in a way that bears fruit- that replenishes the earth and subdues it for God’s glory.
2 Corinthians 12:10
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Philippians 2:5-8
“ In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in very nature[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!”
marriage, sex, oneness with one other person for the rest of your life involves death of your own desires. to lay down yourself so that the other may be exalted, and in their exaltation, your joy becomes complete..
John 15 talks about The Vine and the Branches… with discernment, read this passage and try to see what it means for a husband to love his wife like Jesus loves the church when you read this. What kind of love is now available to us in our unity? what does this mean for the way we love each other? what sort of desires will we have to lay down so that this love can become more complete in our relationships with one another?
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
I obviously do not have to explain that in Genesis, what “be fruitful” means. but i also obviously do not have to explain that having a fruitful relationship means so much more than just having children.
Genesis 1:28
“And God blessed them: and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”
this is the American Standard Version that uses the phrase “replenish the earth and subdue it.” i really love that, because it just encourages us as single christians to realize the immense importance of waiting for God to bless us with a relationship in which Christ is absolutely the center. By having a marriage with another person where God’s love is abounding because of their mutual humility, commitment to persevere in love, this verse is a promise that by that example, our example as Christian lovers we can replenish the earth. i can already see that in the world with people i know myself- i have been exposed to many, many dysfunctional relationships and marriages in my life and i know that God has done it for a reason. by seeing all that brokenness that comes when Christ is not actively the center- when i see marriages that are striving in fruitfulness in terms of faith, love, generosity and wisdom, i feel so encouraged and excited and reassured and it really does absolutely proclaim God’s glory. that is nuts. what God intended for marriage is where sexuality is made whole- and this whole time as a teenager, i have been exposed to just one side to it that has been warped beyond my full understanding. it is not about me, it is not about what people see, it is not about the man i love. it is about knowing what it’s like to persevere and love in longsuffering just like Jesus did for us. THAT, is something i will never get bored of. i am absolutely sure of that.
i have found that lately i have actually become excited when things get horrible, because i know that on the other side of my trials i will have come to know God more, and that i will be more conformed to Jesus Christ’s love, and i will be one step closer to loving the world in a way that bears fruit- that replenishes the earth and subdues it for God’s glory.
2 Corinthians 12:10
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
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