YL Camp 2011

i'm leaving for a 12 or 13 hour bus ride tonight at 10pm to go to Saranac Lake for my first Young Life summer camp as a leader.
i am struggling with not feeling prepared, not feeling excited, feeling more nervous about getting in the way than helping out but the fact of the matter is that i need to remember what we have talked about this whole year- that as leaders, we are the ones who walk into the camp not just to have fun and make friends and bond with kids- but we walk in realizing that we have just entered the site of intense, intense spiritual warfare and that Satan is absolutely at work in many of those kids' hearts, blinding them in their ignorance of the wages of sin. and i think that what is going on right now in my head is that Satan has tried to get me to forget that- that there is so much going on unseen at camp that we need to be vigilant of in prayer and petition. I'm not going to be a nuisance just because I don't have my own big group of girls going- only one of my girls, Alisa is going. and that is weird for me, being a leader for one girl, but oh my God, it must be that God wants me to be alone with her. it's not a matter of awkwardness but of a dire need for me to dedicate myself wholly to her this week in a spirit of love and prayer and joy and patience and steadfastness. i need to be faithful to what God has done in my life, and express to her that God has revealed to me in my life that there is nothing worth living for other than Jesus. I just pray that God will give me words to say and to not worry about that- that he doesn't call the equipped, but he absolutely equips the called. and you know, when i let myself think of it it really does make me want to melt, i don't know why he chose me, but as sick and twisted i have been in my old self, i have the inheritance of Jesus in my heart through faith that is "imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time (1 Peter 1:4)"
i don't know if i'm being tested or tempted, but probably just both, i don't know. this past month i have been so enticed by my old desires and i know Satan would love it if i went into camp thinking, I'm not good enough, I don't have a right to speak or lead, I'm just in the way. no- God wants me there and he wants me to be vigilant for his glory and for Alisa's salvation, and many other girls who I haven't even met yet in the cabin I'm staying in. I just hope that i have boldness to say what needs to be said in a gentle, quiet and pure spirit.
This week will be a challenge for me to allow myself to realize how dependent I am on God's word. I've never had to do this before under such circumstances, but God has given me a lot of grace the past week or so to ensure that I am actually locked away from my evil desires- that's another story but a combination of events and accidents lead me to get the things done that needed to get done, when I could have been inside hiding my light from the world.
I don't have a whole lot more to say but i figured i should say/write something before I leave to camp and if anyone sees this before I leave, please pray for me, pray for Alisa, pray for our cabin and just that we will all have our eyes opened to our sin, but most of all, Jesus.

thanks and just a word of advice- in the trials of your faith, when you think there is no trial and you are just coasting waiting for the next big thing in life- know that the temptation of laziness, apathy, fear and timidity is sneaky and feels natural. don't let yourself slip.

as far as the Christian community goes wherever you are- in your church, youth group, young life, high school, college, or family- if you are NOT a part of the solution, you ARE a part of the problem.

i got this quote on a bottlecap of tea the other day, "Everyday we must choose whether we want to improve the world or enjoy the world- and it makes it hard to plan the day." I thought that was especially true for Christians. chose to improve the world and enjoy seeing your friends go from death to life.