art wise, faith wise, humor wise, everything-wise.
seems to me that everyone remembers all of the great things about me, except me.
people will remind me of things i said, did, or created and i just feel so strange. i feel so detached from who people say i am- which are all good things. Satan seriously is telling me all of these opposite things. and my heart is going in two directions- believe in deep hopelessness of my sinful self, or believe that all of those things that the people who know me best remind me that i am are true? my sin and imperfections were buried in the ground with Jesus, and it stayed there, dead and buried, and i now live because he lives, and all good things i am are all God’s grace and love for me. but satan is breathing down my neck, lies, every single day, and i feel bogged down by disbelief, worry, timidity and anxiousness- all of which, i know absolutely are not from the Lord.
2 Timothy 1: 6-12
6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. 7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 8 So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. Rather, join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God. 9 He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, 10 but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. 11 And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. 12 That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.
i know that this is absolutely the truth. i need to remember to fan into flame the gifts and talents God has given me, and know that i shouldn’t be ashamed of my weaknesses in my suffering. i know that God’s power is made perfect in my weakness… and i’ve seen it so many times before.
i need that power, love, and self discipline. and i feel God absolutely beginning to mold me. only last night when i talked to each of my family members on the phone, did i mentally take a step back from my life and realize, that I do believe God is molding me, shaping me, but at least where i was last night- I was a big, shapeless, lump of mush. that’s okay. that is so, so, so okay because i know God is good, and he loves me, and i’d rather be a lump of mush in his hands and be created into something new and beautiful and pure- powerful, loving and disciplined- even if it’s painful.
this is all because of him, and i’m so glad that God has been taking such great measures to remind me day by day that all I am, and all i will ever be is all because of his love for me, and his deep, merciful purpose. i am NOT alone, fending for myself in such a lonely, cold world, spouting dead, old messages.
i am absolutely convinced that my life that i have entrusted to Jesus is being guarded with the utmost care- a loving father for his daughter, a potter for his greatest masterpiece, a mighty God for his beautiful creation.
that’s who i am, that is my identity. i’m glad that God is chasing me, speaking to me in his own loving words the truth. his words speak so much louder and gentler and stronger than any other voice in this world- more assuring, convincing and loving than all the family, friends and authorities in my life, and more piercingly than Satan who knows my sin like the back of his hand.
Jesus is powerful, mighty to save. he knows all of my sin, my failures, insecurities and all of these things and loves me anyway. so much that he would die for me, to give me the inheritance he has in his perfection. I can’t wait to be with him. To live is Christ- everyday i do feel that i am trying the best i can right now to lay down my life for him and those around me, like he did for me. But God, to die is gain. the most fearsome fate of all mankind, death, will now be so sweet to me because I know where I am headed, and I will be able to be with you. I will be able to be with you, you who loves me and knows my true worth as your daughter.
so, thank you for loving me, convincing me of the truth as the author of my life, and saving me to that i might live- no guilt in life, and no fear in death.
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