today in a critique, we all stared long and deep at a photo of a girl's cat on her bed for about 7 minutes, then the same story for a nearly completely white photo with a hint of a red square in the middle.there comes a certain point where i don't care what art is anymore. i suppose there is artistic success when an emotion is invoked in the viewer- even if the emotion is annoyance/rage/impatience/exasperation with how pointless the artist's aim to be pointless was. sometimes i wonder if this is the best place for me, hahhhhhh ah.
a girl said a photo of a soda can behind a fence in a pile of rocks made her feel "sad."
sad. i feel embarassed that i can sympathize with a soda can, but ease so comfortably into shelter from being exposed to photojournalism from around the world that encompasses living sadness a whole. why does it matter whether something should be considered art if it really just boils down to just useless, meaningless poo poo? art can be used to change the world. it can easily become so self glorifying and pretentious. what is this i don't even
i want to be taught to be real, do real things. i want to do art- but i don't want to just do art for the sake of it.
i just don't know what to do, but i just know i hate spending HOURS looking into experimental/innovative artwork trying desperately to take something meaningful away from it when the entire world around us is full of answers. i just feel so ignorant and useless and ashamed. like i am wasting precious time. i just want to get all this out of the way, finally delve into the technical stuff, and really pray for some sort of direction- i know i want to do either animation or film. i just don't know which or how or under what circumstances and blahbkasbas;dbab. i just want to really glorify god with what he blesses me with. i don't want to stew in my own wisdom and experiences. i want to create things that keep on creating, if that makes sense. i want my art pathway to reach out to others, teach others. i want to love others like Christ loves me, but with my artwork. SOMEHOW idk. i just feel so antsy and irritated at these critiques and discussions about art. i feel we waste so much time and say next to nothing important. whoever disagrees is entitled to their opinion and probably sees this whole ordeal as something completely different. i wish i could see what you saw, but i don't and i don't feel directed (even though this is only the 3rd week of school ughghgh) towards anything i can see past.
i'm just going to keep praying about it. looking at so many other things, i know for sure God wants me here at VCU- for now, at least. especially with Young Life starting, and the fact that i'm going to the number one public art school in the nation for free on the post 9/11 GI bill (as soon as they get their act together).
but my teachers tell me they don't even teach sequential, traditional hand-drawn animation in particular here and that's exactly what i want to do at this juncture.
i just don't know.
i am going to keep doing my best where i am right now, and really just trust that God will lead me to where he wants me to be. i know he will give me strength, peace and patience, and gentleness with my ways when i would normally tear my hair out/scream/cry/give up. he has really made himself evident this so far in my college career- i can't believe how the poop i got through AFO. i am so blessed, and i shouldn't freak out. i know he has everything under control- even if everything i know in my life falls through, i KNOW that even then i will be blessed beyond my understanding because when all else is stripped away, he remains.
he is my purpose, he is my path- i just want to follow him.
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