answered prayer, lots of them

SO overwhelming this past week- last week, and this week have been incredibly pivotal for my life. so many opportunities, so, SO many answers to prayer. i have the list in my journal in my purse, but seriously at least a total of 13 prayers answered this past week- and some things, prayer requests i have long abandoned and forgotten about, had presented to God years ago.

so amazing and beautiful and i will get into all of these incredible new developments in my life as time goes on- and i will even just post the list soon if i decide that will be beneficial, but wow. so much reassurance. thank you so much to those of you who have been praying for me because you are such an amazing blessing in my life. i had an anonymous reader send me an email encouraging me to write more and that was just the icing on the cake. this blog has been so important to me and it pains me that so much grief and dissension and uncertainty has clouded my vision for the past months, but i just praise God so much, and want to say here that God has been so faithful once again and has lifted my heart, risen the fallen, cheered the faint, healed the sick and lead the blind. i can testify to each one of those things looking back at the past two weeks.

for just one instance, all of the weight i had in my heart about art and whatnot- my teacher sat me down and asked me if i have ever thought about switching schools- she then went on to tell me to go straight home tonight, look up the deadline for portfolios and apply to Cal Arts for character animation. that i don't belong here.
cal arts is where she went to school for experimental animation- the animation program there is incredible and very successful and well known artists come out of there who are hired by disney, cartoon network, pixar, etc. she told me she was almost sure that i would get in and that it would be fantastic for me- that i understand what it takes to make a dynamic character, to hold someone's attention, and that i am FUNNY FOR A GIRL. that last bit, that phrase, was something i think i have been wanting very much to hear from a teacher.
anyway-
this all happened after i failed miserably at the animation assignment and was certain i would humiliate myself at critique - started over 5 or 6 times on the "character animation" assignment- which is absolutely my forte, but for some reason was absolutely at a loss for any ideas. i ended up turning in an animation i had done last semester, but never had critiqued. i was so ashamed of myself and showed up to class feeling full of guilt and hopelessness, worthlessness.
everyone ended up loving it, and my teacher loved it, and i was just shocked. i have been praying for direction all year, but i honestly did not expect at all for God to be SO incredibly blunt and direct about it. seriously- he spelled it out for me pretty clearly that morning, "YOU STINK IN SO MANY WAYS BUT I LOVE YOU AND AM GOING TO USE YOU TO DO THINGS YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY INCAPABLE OF DOING ON YOUR OWN. to prove that only by my grace, you can do all things through me, who gives you your strength."

so this has arisen in my life. so praise God, so much and i am so spoiled. so many people have to wait SO long for answers like this, but for some reason he has given me so much grace and mercy.

when Cal Arts came into the picture, i immediately thought of Young Life. i now feel incredibly dedicated and invested in the friendships and relationships i have begun to grow in with my Young Life kids, it would be SO wrong to just be like, deuces kiddies, have a nice life, i'm going to LA! also! jesus loves you , peace out! you know?! that would be so backwards. and it has nothing to do with me thinking, ohhhh dear... i have a commitment.... and i have to fill out my commitment on this contract. not at all. it is because i have just felt so much lately (which is another blessing and answer to prayer) that the Holy Spirit has finally pierced my heart and hannah's heart and brought us together in true peace and unity and we are finally feeling God use us and give us the love to really be passionate about Young Life. I gave my first club talk last wednesday, about Jesus healing the leper- he healed his identity as an outcast, not just his disease. that was my testimony! jesus healed my identity. it was incredible to know what it feels like to really speak in scripture, knowing that you are personal with the passage. it just reminds you that you are speaking truth- jesus is truth. jesus brings us life. and speaking the truth in love makes you feel SO, SO alive. it's indescribable but i would not trade it for anything in the entire universe. i love those moments where you can just pause and thank heaven that you were blessed with being you. i'm so so lucky to have those moments way more often than i deserve.

anyway- i looked up the deadline for Cal Arts and it is Jan 5 for portfolios, which means i would have to wait until fall anyway. so either way, i would have a year between now and then to do what i need to do- lead young life, very possibly take a year off or take a few classes, work a lot, love jesus and MAKE ART THAT I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT.

and not only that but
what is this?

random cool guy that i met at Reformed University Fellowship through another friend, wants to hire me and train me on the job at his brand development company to work with creative advising and direction?
God
what
ARE YOU DOING TO ME
ABSOLUTELY PROPOSTEROUSLY INCREDIBLE
not just that, but Zach, who looked over my portfolio with me loves Jesus and that adds an entirely different perspective on just having a job. it's amazing that i would actually be able to worship and pray with someone i worked with about how God can use our company to glorify him and love others.
NOT JUST THAT!
but on tuesday i am interviewing with them, and meeting this guy Logan Jones who is a worship leader with a following, who has lead worship in russia, germany, among other places, who wants us to help him build a website for his ministry (not entirely clear on specifics yet of course). he wants to do a steady video blog diary as well as far as i know and he would need an opening sequence/intro for each video, that could possibly where i could come in with my animation style, that zach assumes would fit his personality.
NOT JUST THAT EITHER
but
i would
get
paid
and
get
crazy
awesome
resume
stuff
on my
RESUME

RESUME
WHAT A GOOD WORD
AND
I GET TO HAVE A LEGIT REASON TO WEAR MY BUSINESS CASUAL CLOTHES THAT I LOVE SO DEARLY
I LOVE
BLAZERS (BUT I WON'T IDOLIZE THEM LOLZ)


yeah seriously TONS of artists have to wait years and years til they actually can find a job that they can use their art degree in. and i didn't even ask for this job- it just found me and chased after me. ahhh




ok that's all i can say for now. i don't have to keep talking, just praise God so much for the things he has done and for how faithful he is to his promises and loving me. just comparing this to my past blogs... i used to have to force myself to write on here, and that was why posts were seldom. but lately just so much has been happening- GOOD amazing things, that it is literally too much for me to process and write down into a blog post ahhaha. PRAISE GOD. HE'S SO AWESOME AND WEIRD AND COOL and loving and perfect in every way, more than i can fathom.

something that i have been thinking lately is just that there are sometimes where you need to just drop the philosophy talk of why it makes sense for certain things to come about in your life, and just wait on God for his wisdom and blessings.