uahg

it's getting late and i still have to prepare a whole campaigners lesson... i am so pathetic sometimes.
this week has had the most extreme ups and downs. so so so many answers to prayer, that prompted me to praise God so much but i'm still just so scared and fickle. going through the world's week in photos on msn or whatever, i felt sick. not too long ago i was kneeling on the ground and i couldn't move my forehead from the ground. i felt literal weight in my body that i just had to pray and pray for it to be lifted.
i just want Jesus.
i just want Jesus because i know that he is the answer to all of this brokenness.

don't have a lot to say- i should ahve posted earlier this week because seriously, i made a list of all of the prayers that were answered this week. a lot has happened, so insane.

i want rest.

i just want Jesus, i just want the people i love to want Jesus, and to know him and have him and love him like i do, and be healed in all the ways that i have been healed, and will be healed in the future.
i've been so weak lately, the smallest thing will just discourage me beyond what i think is reversible, then the next minute God will put something in my life that turns everything, everythinggggg upside down. i don't understand this life. i'm exhausted and i'm just weary and i am just letting Jesus carry me in his arms right now. finally getting the strength to find the words to pray for some things that i have been had such a heavy heart about lately.

but other than tonight, mostly, this week has been phenomenal and God has worked in SO many ways and has really really reassured me and brought me back into the light seeing that yes, YES he is so so faithful to me and i'm so so so so so so undeserving of his love and grace.

he's really speaking to me loudly, gently, lovingly, but firmly. there is so much that i need to change about my life and my relationship with him.