when i'm found in the desert place, when i walk through the wilderness, blessed be your name

wondering what it'd be like to literally pick up and leave all my friends, my family, my job/coworkers, high school friends, my roommates, my church, my school, my room, old art, clothing, worry and comfort behind to find out if what Jesus promises is true, that i can do all things through his strength, that he will always be with me even when all falls away? is it possible that this has been my desert place, and leaving everything i've ever known to follow Jesus, even when it brings me to those seemingly desolate places, is how i'll find the living water i need to bring true growth to my pruned, barren vines?

it's terrifying on my lips to say that i think i'm about to find out in 2 months.

it's like Jesus sweating blood when he realizes God has already forsaken him in the Garden of Gethsemane, and the cup is not passing from him. he has to go through hell to conquer death, come alive again and give all those who were lost a way back into God, into heaven, into life.

i'm already descending into the valley, but You are with me. You're always with me. You are my rock and my stay. You love me and all things will work together for my good. I so desire for my friends and family to be saved, but not just that, but to fall desperately in love with Jesus and see how he is perfect and holy, sufficient in his love to restore this twisted world, and our twisted, desolate hearts. I love Jesus so much. Take the whole world, but give me Jesus. If he's leading me to the desert to find living water, so be it, he will carry me there. He always has, and I am choosing to trust that he always will.

Matthew 10:17-31 speaks to meeeee. I to follow Christ like a child, trusting that my parent will provide when i leave behind all things. in my Father, there is provision and love, and i trust him to give me everything i need.

all of this i believe, and i know is true in my heart, but that doesn't mean i'm not extremely sad, scared and overwhelmed looking into the abyss i see before me.