posting recent journals i should share here:
one of the worst states of heart is when you can hear the screaming sensation of helplessness and worthlessness over the powerful truth of being affirmed, loved and cared for no matter what. all life haults in this state of mind and nothing seems to move forward - even if things are moving, you are too asleep inside to notice. believe that you have a future, hope and love outside of the failures you think define you, even the successes that aren’t so dazzling that define you. i’ve got to stop comparing myself to my peer group and thinking i’m behind. i am more helpless & depraved than i give myself credit for, but in the Lord, it is a precious place to be, because he gives me all i truly need that has nothing to do with social hurdles. i think God pulled me aside to renovate my heart that has always been just as desperate, but has been seeking out the wrong things to prove my worth. as long as that takes for me to learn, i have to be okay with because I’m never going to be okay with myself until I believe the truth, that I am affirmed, loved and cared for no matter what, regardless of what i deserve.
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