well! i have been really poor at keeping up this blog and i am really thankful and humbled that people say they've checked in on here to see how i've been doing. i want to apologize for not keepign in touch. i have journaled some on my tumblr, but not here. basically: since my last post on this blog, God has given me an incredible amount of PEACE about not being in california, and being in Colorado with my family. he has made it very, very evident why I should be here in the past months. He has provided in every way for me, socially, financially, academically and spiritually (although it has been a very different season of life compared to the past 3 years). emotionally he has also provided, because the beginning of my time here in colorado I had the worst mood swings, and I felt so inconsistent with my identity that there were days i felt very lost and untrusting of what I was doing with my life. I saw (and still, often see) myself in the midst of all of God's providence, and looking at myself, knowing that I was the weak link. so much that God has given to me, but still I can't take advantage of it to the fullest. I am taking a Westminster Confessions class at my church on wednesday nights, which has been incredible when it comes to laying out the foundations of reformed faith, and exactly why we believe then with scriptural evidence and opposing arguments. i have been learning a lot about things i have never really even wondered about before- and in the beginning of this class, it honestly shook my faith in God when it comes to his sovereignty vs his love. kind of typical struggle i guess for a Christian at some point- but i think it's a good and necessary challenge to think about. i felt estranged from God- things that were once so familiar, seemed very unfamiliar. but i heard someone say once that when you are in a season like that, have hope in the Lord because it just means that when you finally find your way back to familiarity, your knowledge, love and fear of God will be all the more rich. So I really have hope in that, but it has definitely been confusing.
i am going to post a few journals i have written sort of recently that I realized really belonged on this blog and NOT on my tumblr (because hardly any christian friends of mine follow that, but i am on it more often to brood about life haha). Tumblr is a very dark place sometimes and I recommend to those who do not have a tumblr, to not get one for the sake of your heart/mind/spirit, chasing a Philippians 4:8 life.
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