thank you for encouraging me, i know you know who you are. you keep me strong and you give me hope that i'm not crazy for letting go of so much to be more conformed to Jesus' image. because lately i have been stricken with with some things i haven't been stricken with in a long time- fear, loneliness, blame, contempt and self-hate. this week had been a roller coaster and i just want to get off, i feel physically nauseous at all of this. i just am so weak without Him and i am struggling to let him take away all of what i depend on to help me cope with the uncertainty. it's absolutely foolish how much hope i really do put in people, and how hilarious it is that i get proven every time how unreliable we all are, and how unreliable i am, myself. this week i shot through the roof with the most joy i had ever experienced this semester, and 20 minutes later it was crushed and i was back to zero. i've never made such a sharp turn. and i thought it was getting better but i am struggling, and am entertaining and dwelling on thoughts that just hurt me more. i hate, hate, hate self consciousness. i haven't felt this way in over a year and now it's beginning to overwhelm me. i can't let this happen. i need to cling to Jesus and not the people around me. love and be loved by him first, so that i can know more how to love others.....it's hard. i don't feel joy. i don't feel peace. i'm turning to the world to make me wealthy and fulfilled and i am so hungry that i am starving. i am so cold, that i am freezing. i am so sick that i'm dying. i guess i let myself ignore it until this point, but i still don't quite understand it. t's so amazing that the Spirit uncovers time and time again places you didn't even know you were broken. i just want to run away, ya know
i'm sure things will be better soon, but i just don't know how. my young life area director often says that fear comes from when we picture ourselves in the future and we don't see jesus there. and i think that's how i've been. but at the same time i feel jesus so close to me. he's all i feel, he's all i want, but everything is trying to tear me away. i know that satan is going to try to break me, but i have faith that God is going to take me and use me to do something amazing for his sake. i just need to throw all this down. all this petty fear and anger and sorrow and look at how infinitely greater it is to rejoice with all i am that he is risen, and i am loved.
sorry to be emo
thank you for listeningggggngngn
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
hhhhhhhhh
faghaghbabohasdiohfaoidhfhasdbhaowiehbaoiwhsdlfhasodhva;wlekhbahsdfkhasdlkfhasldbhl;adkbhalksdhfioawehfalkshdbhasldhb ahlskdaeoiwfhaslkdhbkalshdlkghasldkbhaiowevklashdbklahsdfjnawekjhfdalkhsdb lkajwelkhasldkhba dhsbkahwoeidfnakljhneskjdvbakjsdfjkasbdvklajsdbvkl jz,bxc m,zmxbcfiuawkejshdfkaljsdbxcv hamnbsdxfjhamcsnbxhjvmnba sjhmfnxzbcz j,hxmdnbvajsdmnxbcvjhamzwgensbiudfWABEHJFDMGAJSDFBAJKSDBVJAHSDBDigwefbashjdflHFJAKGSDFJASHDFKJLAGSDVJBALIUESBCUIABSDKVJBASLDJKFBJKABSDVKJBASDVYUBAWEYUBFDAJDGHFLIASHDFKJABWEIUUSTHRAHSHnwe vasiduhrwne aisdhfakwefyhshthadhfaksjdfhawefkajh asjkdhf akwnbeuahshtyzsdfjknewbhaksvyawebfa dfy zserajkwehf hshubreahsehf sythe abjsyereouaydf aw haev hjawerh seyajk seytjehra pa isufad
my church has got some wackos in it ///////////don't know what to do/kind of worried/unsure if i should even concern myself with it but wow i really disagree with a huge part of what they believe about women.
Galatians 3:28
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
i want to shut up for a while /forever
even though i feel like everything needs to be said
always being broken and built up again yeahhhh
my church has got some wackos in it ///////////don't know what to do/kind of worried/unsure if i should even concern myself with it but wow i really disagree with a huge part of what they believe about women.
Galatians 3:28
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
i want to shut up for a while /forever
even though i feel like everything needs to be said
always being broken and built up again yeahhhh
yeah
it's nuts if i take a step back and realize how much social anxiety i have when i take jesus out of the picture. spent like an hour reassuring myself that it is ridiculous to think that everyone probably hates me. i base my confidence a lot in what certain people think of me and it's evident that as of late, one of my favorite people has straight up fallen out of love with me. it's hard but i have to keep reminding myself i shouldn't be embarrassed of what i know has to be said. that's the last thing i want to do, is be ashamed. but it's easy to point the blame or glory at myself.
i'm behind on a lot of stuff/ should probably cut a lot out of my halloween weekend, blah it's my favorite.
let myself sleep 6 hours last night. pllffbbtt. still exhausteddddd
amazed/in love with God
but sad/hurt by a friendship i have made into an idol in my life
trying to let God take care of it and not be self seeking about all of this
"all these chisels i have dulled carving idols of stone, have crumbled like sand beneath the waves"
pooooooooooo
i'm behind on a lot of stuff/ should probably cut a lot out of my halloween weekend, blah it's my favorite.
let myself sleep 6 hours last night. pllffbbtt. still exhausteddddd
amazed/in love with God
but sad/hurt by a friendship i have made into an idol in my life
trying to let God take care of it and not be self seeking about all of this
"all these chisels i have dulled carving idols of stone, have crumbled like sand beneath the waves"
pooooooooooo
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
WANT TO SEE A STRAIGHT UP MIRACLE? ALRIGHT
I HAVE BEEN PRAYING ABOUT THIS ALL SEMESTER. and i know many of my faithful friends and family members have been praying for it as well- and thank you, thank you thank you SO MUCH for praying, i am positively stunned. THIS IS WHAT GOD BROUGHT ME HERE TO DO. praise the Lord that he has saved me, sustained me, transformed me, encouraged me, LOVED ME through this dark confusing time- i thought i would always be alone in my struggles to glorify God as a Christian artist, but that's absolutely not the case- God has PROVIDED beyond my wildest expectations. this is just the beginning but oh my GOD, if he can take someone like me and turn me into someone who is destined for leadership in his holy name- i am forced to completely lay down all my doubt, all my fears- HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS and who he is is FAITHFUL TO HIS PROMISES. did i not just rock Philippians 4:13 (For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.) in my last blog?!!? i am astounded. God has blessed me so, so, so much and i am so so unworthy and so so so undeserving but I can only pray that he will take me and use me for what he has in store. that is my only hope, and I wouldn't trade this for anything in the entire world. i need to stop thinking that since i'm a mediocre average person who can maybe make a little difference. no. this isn't about me anymore and this isn't my work, this isn't my miracle in the making. this is His will being carried out through broken sinners who have ONLY been reconciled to his holiness by the pure blood of Christ. how can i deny his presence, that he is the invisible, but strong, unpredictable, undeniable force that takes me where it pleases? John 3:8- "The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."
I have no idea where this is going to take me but God is doing crazy things. I have been despairing all this semester- unsure of my direction, angry and frustrated. my pride was stripped away, i was discouraged and entirely uncertain of myself. I remembered the fact that i never even wanted to go to art school in the first place- that it was the only place i applied and i miraculously got in. i was doubting, wondering if perhaps elsewhere would be better. i wanted out, i wanted, i wanted, i wanted. i was entirely unsatisfied but he heard me when i cried out to him, when my friends cried out to him, when my mother, brothers, father cried out to him. he has been so faithful to me and has put me in my place- knowing that he is absolutely strong, he is steadfast, he is absolutely the only One who satisfies.
Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight. [a]
---
Between Ryan Todd Lauterio and You
Chase Beaucanon October 26 at 10:34pm
Rachel Schneider told me that i should talk to you. i hear you aren't teaching anymore to become a pastor, which i think is really awesome. my name is lauren stutzriem and i'm a kinetic imaging sophomore. Rachel thought i should talk to you- God has put two things on my heart- for one, the fact that there is nothing more important in the world than to know Him more intimately and to love others and to further his kingdom. and two, using art as a tool of communication that transcends spoken language alone. i used to think i wanted to be a 2D cartoon animator but God has really humbled me and shown me that i'm not even half of the artist i was. so now i'm just waiting for him to lead me to where he pleases. i just want to glorify him, but it's hard because i don't know how to do that yet in kinetic imaging. i don't know where my life is headed.
anyway i wanted to tell you that i really respect your decision and i am very encouraged by your witness. sin is real, salvation is real, sanctification is real, love and grace are so real and so abounding and this good news is THE most important, beautiful and captivating thing anyone could ever speak. we can't keep it to ourselves!!
i was wondering if you are still teaching, or how much longer you will be teaching, and if you will still be in the area. i have always been interested in holding some sort of christian artists' discussion or something like that. artists have so much power in their gift to communicate- and christian artists need to be encouraged to let christ be known. i don't know. even if it's just a prayer group.
well i didn't have a whole lot else to say but i am just so ecstatic to see another artist step out in faith for Christ's sake!!
--
Ryan Todd Lauterio October 26 at 11:07pm
Greetings Chase, I am turning in for bed so this will be short and a bit convoluted LOL,,, Praise the Lord that you are where you are at I am very encouraged by you taking time out of your day to contact and write to me! Rachel might have gave you a bit of miss information. I am still teaching and plan to as long as the Lord see's fit, I teach in AFO at VCU among other things and it really is important that I am there> Let me take some time to tell you what has happened this semester, I do Portfolio reviews and I am on the Selection committee for making final decisions on who gets into the program! That being said I have several portfolio revues this semester and they have all been Christians and they have all been sharing a similar sentiment! This is amazing as it has never happened before and I have no control over who I meet! So forgive me for this ramble but I am blown away that you wrote to me and you are who you are! :) God is really up to something int he arts!! Which is awesome! My wife and I are making a home here in Richmond with our Daughter Ava and looking to establish A Christ centered Arts ministry. So I am not quitting teaching as that is a vital missional component and feels to strategic for me not to be there. I am however going through a program through Church called the Commonwealth which is based off of a seminary seminar model of sorts! It is to prepare people to pastor and or work in leadership, and is very in depth and focused two year program, it also is designed to let people actually serve and work in the Church as well as in the city/community, I am sitting in right now and start officially this up coming new year!
This Church is called Remnant and has been a huge answer to prayer for my wife and I. They are a year old with some very amazing people the teaching is deep and rich Christ centered gospel focused we are on Mission for Christ, and we are now looking to have our building downtown! That being said where there will be a whole set up geared towards Artist amongst other things, I am working on a comprehensive program and we will have actual gallery space to hold talks seminars lectures and shows!!! I am also researching information and teaching that I hope will be edifying to young artist. In my research I am looking at the few models that exist in the US that actually serve the arts deeply>There is so much I can share with you if you would like to meet up! I really think that would be great for both of us and many of the other Christians who are Artist and are saying the same things you are sharing!
Soon I will be starting a Crit art discussion Group and from there things will begin to unfold! So it will be exactly what you where mentioning!!! We believe Christ is going to continue to bring people to here to start a revival, and I think He is going to use the Arts as they have a valuable role with regards to culture and there is much the Lord has shared with me as I have gone through both my Masters degrees and worked as an Artist! Also My Wife has been working on her Masters degree in Christian Apologetic s and we feel that God is preparing us to write a book that will seek to equip encourage and disciple Artist who are longing to glorify Christ and make an impact! So my church right now is meeting on the corner of BLVD and Grove in the basement of Tikvat, we meet at 1030, perhaps you can come by some time and we can meet I really think it would be huge to do so! here is the website to our church! http://www.remnantrichmond.org/
I am sorry this is so choppy I was heading to bed and then got your very exciting email!! I look forward to meeting you and hearing about what God is doing with you and looking to share whats going on from our standpoint! I have a hunch we are in the same boat and Gods is at work bringing us together! Ow yes let Rachel know I am not going anywhere and I am still teaching and will be for a while, :) Also right now we have several community groups that meet around Richmond and the one we go to is Thursday nights in Carytown from 7 til 9pm we have food and informal talk about the sermons from the past Sunday you are welcome if you have the time either way lets find time to meet! I also hold open drawing studio sessions on Fridays except this Friday but next Friday they will be back on let me know what you think! Very Glad to hear from you
Of Grace
Ryan Lauterio
I have no idea where this is going to take me but God is doing crazy things. I have been despairing all this semester- unsure of my direction, angry and frustrated. my pride was stripped away, i was discouraged and entirely uncertain of myself. I remembered the fact that i never even wanted to go to art school in the first place- that it was the only place i applied and i miraculously got in. i was doubting, wondering if perhaps elsewhere would be better. i wanted out, i wanted, i wanted, i wanted. i was entirely unsatisfied but he heard me when i cried out to him, when my friends cried out to him, when my mother, brothers, father cried out to him. he has been so faithful to me and has put me in my place- knowing that he is absolutely strong, he is steadfast, he is absolutely the only One who satisfies.
Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight. [a]
---
Between Ryan Todd Lauterio and You
Chase Beaucanon October 26 at 10:34pm
Rachel Schneider told me that i should talk to you. i hear you aren't teaching anymore to become a pastor, which i think is really awesome. my name is lauren stutzriem and i'm a kinetic imaging sophomore. Rachel thought i should talk to you- God has put two things on my heart- for one, the fact that there is nothing more important in the world than to know Him more intimately and to love others and to further his kingdom. and two, using art as a tool of communication that transcends spoken language alone. i used to think i wanted to be a 2D cartoon animator but God has really humbled me and shown me that i'm not even half of the artist i was. so now i'm just waiting for him to lead me to where he pleases. i just want to glorify him, but it's hard because i don't know how to do that yet in kinetic imaging. i don't know where my life is headed.
anyway i wanted to tell you that i really respect your decision and i am very encouraged by your witness. sin is real, salvation is real, sanctification is real, love and grace are so real and so abounding and this good news is THE most important, beautiful and captivating thing anyone could ever speak. we can't keep it to ourselves!!
i was wondering if you are still teaching, or how much longer you will be teaching, and if you will still be in the area. i have always been interested in holding some sort of christian artists' discussion or something like that. artists have so much power in their gift to communicate- and christian artists need to be encouraged to let christ be known. i don't know. even if it's just a prayer group.
well i didn't have a whole lot else to say but i am just so ecstatic to see another artist step out in faith for Christ's sake!!
--
Ryan Todd Lauterio October 26 at 11:07pm
Greetings Chase, I am turning in for bed so this will be short and a bit convoluted LOL,,, Praise the Lord that you are where you are at I am very encouraged by you taking time out of your day to contact and write to me! Rachel might have gave you a bit of miss information. I am still teaching and plan to as long as the Lord see's fit, I teach in AFO at VCU among other things and it really is important that I am there> Let me take some time to tell you what has happened this semester, I do Portfolio reviews and I am on the Selection committee for making final decisions on who gets into the program! That being said I have several portfolio revues this semester and they have all been Christians and they have all been sharing a similar sentiment! This is amazing as it has never happened before and I have no control over who I meet! So forgive me for this ramble but I am blown away that you wrote to me and you are who you are! :) God is really up to something int he arts!! Which is awesome! My wife and I are making a home here in Richmond with our Daughter Ava and looking to establish A Christ centered Arts ministry. So I am not quitting teaching as that is a vital missional component and feels to strategic for me not to be there. I am however going through a program through Church called the Commonwealth which is based off of a seminary seminar model of sorts! It is to prepare people to pastor and or work in leadership, and is very in depth and focused two year program, it also is designed to let people actually serve and work in the Church as well as in the city/community, I am sitting in right now and start officially this up coming new year!
This Church is called Remnant and has been a huge answer to prayer for my wife and I. They are a year old with some very amazing people the teaching is deep and rich Christ centered gospel focused we are on Mission for Christ, and we are now looking to have our building downtown! That being said where there will be a whole set up geared towards Artist amongst other things, I am working on a comprehensive program and we will have actual gallery space to hold talks seminars lectures and shows!!! I am also researching information and teaching that I hope will be edifying to young artist. In my research I am looking at the few models that exist in the US that actually serve the arts deeply>There is so much I can share with you if you would like to meet up! I really think that would be great for both of us and many of the other Christians who are Artist and are saying the same things you are sharing!
Soon I will be starting a Crit art discussion Group and from there things will begin to unfold! So it will be exactly what you where mentioning!!! We believe Christ is going to continue to bring people to here to start a revival, and I think He is going to use the Arts as they have a valuable role with regards to culture and there is much the Lord has shared with me as I have gone through both my Masters degrees and worked as an Artist! Also My Wife has been working on her Masters degree in Christian Apologetic s and we feel that God is preparing us to write a book that will seek to equip encourage and disciple Artist who are longing to glorify Christ and make an impact! So my church right now is meeting on the corner of BLVD and Grove in the basement of Tikvat, we meet at 1030, perhaps you can come by some time and we can meet I really think it would be huge to do so! here is the website to our church! http://www.remnantrichmond.org/
I am sorry this is so choppy I was heading to bed and then got your very exciting email!! I look forward to meeting you and hearing about what God is doing with you and looking to share whats going on from our standpoint! I have a hunch we are in the same boat and Gods is at work bringing us together! Ow yes let Rachel know I am not going anywhere and I am still teaching and will be for a while, :) Also right now we have several community groups that meet around Richmond and the one we go to is Thursday nights in Carytown from 7 til 9pm we have food and informal talk about the sermons from the past Sunday you are welcome if you have the time either way lets find time to meet! I also hold open drawing studio sessions on Fridays except this Friday but next Friday they will be back on let me know what you think! Very Glad to hear from you
Of Grace
Ryan Lauterio
Friday, October 22, 2010
Your Love is Strong
Philippians 4:11-13
11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
this is so true to me today and as of late. this is so important. also, listening to "your love is strong" which is directly inspired by the Lord's prayer in Matthew 6- reading comments on songmeanings.com, there are comments like,
"I especially love this because so many Christians get desensitized to the Lord's Prayer - it becomes routine. This song is a reminder that it is anything but routine. "
"Love this song. His adaptations of Bible passages are breathtaking. This is music as it was meant to be written. "
there is nothing else more worth writing about than this. Your love is strong, your love is so, so strong.
i've been thinking a lot about the part of the Lord's prayer that says, give me this day my daily bread- we take the food that is on our plate for granted- every day we expect it to be there, we count on it being there. but even the simplest thing is an amazing act of grace from God that we absolutely did nothing to deserve. we are really so small, and we have the curse of thinking that we NEED so much- but when he says:
"I look out the window the birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune or out of place
I walk to the meadow and stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day
So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
He knows what I need."
listen to this peace, this beautiful peace that is available to us because of Christ reconciling us to being children of God- God knows what we need. we don't have to freak out and believe that the world is crashing down on us. We make it so difficult for ourselves believing that we need so, so much. God KNOWS what we need, and he WILL provide. we have so little faith. The God of the universe loves us SO much that he would give his only son to die in our place- i think that he would be care enough to provide for us the very essentials of every day. living your life day to day in faith that things will be taken care of no matter what, even if our own understanding tells us we are poor when we are so, so rich- that is completely contrary to this world. and it is beautiful, freeing, healing, absolutely amazing. whoever reads this- call out to him. You've seen the miracles, you've walked on water with him before- but when the wind blows, you begin to sink in doubt- just cry to him, Lord SAVE me! and immediately Jesus will embrace you. he will not let you go under, he will not let you drown, be crushed, be forsaken. (Matthew 14: 29-31)
Matthew 6: 25-34
25“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his lifeb?
28“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
the past few days God has really been so faithful to my prayers- i have been freaking out because i have been so lost, confused, angry, frustrated. but God knows what i need. He knows what I need. His love is strong, his grace is so, so sufficient. i feel it in my heart, in my bones that if i completely surrender my will to his own, my pride, my desires- he will transform my heart into one that will not only be content, but joyous, rejoicing in his plan for me. Art is an amazing thing- a tool of communication that transcends language itself. I have realized i'm not even half the artist i thought i was. i have been stripped of my pride. i am starting from zero. thankfully he has blessed my heart with a new song that rejoices in my weakness because he will be glorified all the more when he breaks me and builds me back up into exactly what he wants me to be which i know will be absolutely awe inspiring. i have no idea what the future holds for me anymore. i just have to surrender to the Christ's spirit in me- to let my heart be molded day by day into love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22) He knows what I need, and he will eternally, faithfully provide.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
listen to this, be still, and pray that God will bless you with this beautiful peace that transcends all that we believe to be true.
11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
this is so true to me today and as of late. this is so important. also, listening to "your love is strong" which is directly inspired by the Lord's prayer in Matthew 6- reading comments on songmeanings.com, there are comments like,
"I especially love this because so many Christians get desensitized to the Lord's Prayer - it becomes routine. This song is a reminder that it is anything but routine. "
"Love this song. His adaptations of Bible passages are breathtaking. This is music as it was meant to be written. "
there is nothing else more worth writing about than this. Your love is strong, your love is so, so strong.
i've been thinking a lot about the part of the Lord's prayer that says, give me this day my daily bread- we take the food that is on our plate for granted- every day we expect it to be there, we count on it being there. but even the simplest thing is an amazing act of grace from God that we absolutely did nothing to deserve. we are really so small, and we have the curse of thinking that we NEED so much- but when he says:
"I look out the window the birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune or out of place
I walk to the meadow and stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day
So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
He knows what I need."
listen to this peace, this beautiful peace that is available to us because of Christ reconciling us to being children of God- God knows what we need. we don't have to freak out and believe that the world is crashing down on us. We make it so difficult for ourselves believing that we need so, so much. God KNOWS what we need, and he WILL provide. we have so little faith. The God of the universe loves us SO much that he would give his only son to die in our place- i think that he would be care enough to provide for us the very essentials of every day. living your life day to day in faith that things will be taken care of no matter what, even if our own understanding tells us we are poor when we are so, so rich- that is completely contrary to this world. and it is beautiful, freeing, healing, absolutely amazing. whoever reads this- call out to him. You've seen the miracles, you've walked on water with him before- but when the wind blows, you begin to sink in doubt- just cry to him, Lord SAVE me! and immediately Jesus will embrace you. he will not let you go under, he will not let you drown, be crushed, be forsaken. (Matthew 14: 29-31)
Matthew 6: 25-34
25“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his lifeb?
28“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
the past few days God has really been so faithful to my prayers- i have been freaking out because i have been so lost, confused, angry, frustrated. but God knows what i need. He knows what I need. His love is strong, his grace is so, so sufficient. i feel it in my heart, in my bones that if i completely surrender my will to his own, my pride, my desires- he will transform my heart into one that will not only be content, but joyous, rejoicing in his plan for me. Art is an amazing thing- a tool of communication that transcends language itself. I have realized i'm not even half the artist i thought i was. i have been stripped of my pride. i am starting from zero. thankfully he has blessed my heart with a new song that rejoices in my weakness because he will be glorified all the more when he breaks me and builds me back up into exactly what he wants me to be which i know will be absolutely awe inspiring. i have no idea what the future holds for me anymore. i just have to surrender to the Christ's spirit in me- to let my heart be molded day by day into love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22) He knows what I need, and he will eternally, faithfully provide.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
listen to this, be still, and pray that God will bless you with this beautiful peace that transcends all that we believe to be true.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
i don't want this
"monday was our 30th wedding anniversary and the 5th year in a row we celebrated by not speaking to each other."
i have so much love welled up for you
i have so much love welled up for you
Saturday, October 9, 2010
fffffffffffff
i want to burn all my clothes and shave my head. none of this is real!
i feel the need to get out of here.
i feel the need to get out of here.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
me/being dumb
18When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake. 19Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go."
20Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."
21Another disciple said to him, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father."
22But Jesus told him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead."
okay sooo i have 15 minutes but i want to talk about this. i want to think about thisss. this passage is titled "the cost of following jesus" which makes sense because it talks about how if we are to be like jesus, we will also come to realize we have no place to lay our head either. yesyes
but the teacher of the law that approaches jesus is what makes me think- he came to him and said that he would be willing to follow jesus wherever he went. but i feel like the guy thought he could have both, which can't happen. derrr. i feel like i do this a lot. i'm so ready to just throw everything down and follow jesus with all i have but day to day i just can't let go of the stupid stuff that i want to bring with me. let the spiritually dead bury their dead- let those who have not been called forth carry on in their lives doing what they think is best according to their own insight.
LOOKED UP THIS THING
IT IS COOL/IT HELPS/THIS IS ME. REMEMBER LOT'S WIIIIIFE
http://www.cgg.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Library.sr/CT/BQA/k/164/Why-Did-Jesus-Say-Let-Dead-Bury-Their-Own-Dead-Matthew-822.htm
The context of Christ's statement reveals that He offers this man an opportunity to participate in His ministry and become a teacher of the way that leads to eternal life (see Luke 9:59-60). When this man says that he first had to go and bury his father, Christ tells him to let the "dead" (those unaware of spiritual matters) bury their dead, "and you go and preach the Kingdom of God" (verse 60).
Was Christ telling this man not to attend his father's funeral? No. A funeral usually takes only a short time, and Christ continually shows that Christians are to have compassion and show proper respect for others. In fact, Luke provides a short account of His own reaction at meeting a funeral procession during His ministry (Luke 7:11-15).
Why, then, does Christ answer this man in such a way? He realizes that the man is only making excuses. Probably, the young man's father was an elderly man who would likely die soon. This man, leaning on his father's condition, tries to put off the responsibility that Christ offers to him. Obviously, his priorities are not based on faith and serving God first (Matthew 6:33). If he wanted to, he could find a way, without showing any disrespect, to have his father cared for and still serve God. Thus, Christ tells him to let the spiritually dead—those who were not being called (Ephesians 2:1)—continue to live their lives as seems best to them.
This account illustrates how we should not let undue concern over physical matters distract us from serving God once He has called us to His work (John 6:44, 65). The parable of the sower in Mark 4:14-20 relates a similar principle. As Jesus says to another disciple in Luke's account, "No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God" (Luke 9:62).
cool talk
gonna go 2 class
i am addicted to not sleeping. went to bed at 5am woke at 8:30 ugh. i feel fine though- but i am realizing i have been getting super emotional lately and that's NOT GOOD :( last night sorted some things out with Hannah that we really needed to talk about. kind of broke down and said a lot of weird stuff. kind of finding out more about myself in a bad way. i don't know if it's for the better or if Satan is just trying his best to tear me down. he is definitely trying to get between Hannah and me, especially on my side, though. i hate this. i should probably get some sleep to protect my mind :(
just want to learn more and be transparent. wanna love moooreee
20Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."
21Another disciple said to him, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father."
22But Jesus told him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead."
okay sooo i have 15 minutes but i want to talk about this. i want to think about thisss. this passage is titled "the cost of following jesus" which makes sense because it talks about how if we are to be like jesus, we will also come to realize we have no place to lay our head either. yesyes
but the teacher of the law that approaches jesus is what makes me think- he came to him and said that he would be willing to follow jesus wherever he went. but i feel like the guy thought he could have both, which can't happen. derrr. i feel like i do this a lot. i'm so ready to just throw everything down and follow jesus with all i have but day to day i just can't let go of the stupid stuff that i want to bring with me. let the spiritually dead bury their dead- let those who have not been called forth carry on in their lives doing what they think is best according to their own insight.
LOOKED UP THIS THING
IT IS COOL/IT HELPS/THIS IS ME. REMEMBER LOT'S WIIIIIFE
http://www.cgg.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Library.sr/CT/BQA/k/164/Why-Did-Jesus-Say-Let-Dead-Bury-Their-Own-Dead-Matthew-822.htm
The context of Christ's statement reveals that He offers this man an opportunity to participate in His ministry and become a teacher of the way that leads to eternal life (see Luke 9:59-60). When this man says that he first had to go and bury his father, Christ tells him to let the "dead" (those unaware of spiritual matters) bury their dead, "and you go and preach the Kingdom of God" (verse 60).
Was Christ telling this man not to attend his father's funeral? No. A funeral usually takes only a short time, and Christ continually shows that Christians are to have compassion and show proper respect for others. In fact, Luke provides a short account of His own reaction at meeting a funeral procession during His ministry (Luke 7:11-15).
Why, then, does Christ answer this man in such a way? He realizes that the man is only making excuses. Probably, the young man's father was an elderly man who would likely die soon. This man, leaning on his father's condition, tries to put off the responsibility that Christ offers to him. Obviously, his priorities are not based on faith and serving God first (Matthew 6:33). If he wanted to, he could find a way, without showing any disrespect, to have his father cared for and still serve God. Thus, Christ tells him to let the spiritually dead—those who were not being called (Ephesians 2:1)—continue to live their lives as seems best to them.
This account illustrates how we should not let undue concern over physical matters distract us from serving God once He has called us to His work (John 6:44, 65). The parable of the sower in Mark 4:14-20 relates a similar principle. As Jesus says to another disciple in Luke's account, "No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God" (Luke 9:62).
cool talk
gonna go 2 class
i am addicted to not sleeping. went to bed at 5am woke at 8:30 ugh. i feel fine though- but i am realizing i have been getting super emotional lately and that's NOT GOOD :( last night sorted some things out with Hannah that we really needed to talk about. kind of broke down and said a lot of weird stuff. kind of finding out more about myself in a bad way. i don't know if it's for the better or if Satan is just trying his best to tear me down. he is definitely trying to get between Hannah and me, especially on my side, though. i hate this. i should probably get some sleep to protect my mind :(
just want to learn more and be transparent. wanna love moooreee
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Psalm 84:10
all i want in life is to hold your freezing hands and tell you how much i love you because of how much He loves us. I'm just a beggar showing other beggars where the food is.
the question is how the poo do i do it with kinetic imaging haha. i hope i can find more Christian artists. it's just a matter of patience, trust and perseverance through the lonesomeness at this point, i think. one of my idols is definitely having my own definite sense of direction. God has no problem stripping away everything a man has made himself in an instant, but I'm really glad that he has been so merciful to me by blessing me with a heart that still longs for him so deeply even when everything i know is kind of falling to pieces. i wouldn't have it any other way.
"For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness."
the question is how the poo do i do it with kinetic imaging haha. i hope i can find more Christian artists. it's just a matter of patience, trust and perseverance through the lonesomeness at this point, i think. one of my idols is definitely having my own definite sense of direction. God has no problem stripping away everything a man has made himself in an instant, but I'm really glad that he has been so merciful to me by blessing me with a heart that still longs for him so deeply even when everything i know is kind of falling to pieces. i wouldn't have it any other way.
"For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)