poop scoop

i want you to sieze me, look me in the eye, and convince me you're real. until then, you do not exist and i will be okay with that. life goes on, my life hauls on proudly without you. i don't need you, but if you do, in fact exist then i welcome you humbly into my life as a blessing i do not deserve in the least.

actually

YOU

ARE

A

CHILD.

NEED A HURR CUT

WELL HOWDY DOODY

i have cut 3 other people's hair besides seen here that i unfortunately do not have photos of.

ciera

raleigh

rachel

hannah

and myself. HAH HURR DHURRR

everything in my body says "no."

my mind and my heart have been a bit askew ever since i learned a certain name.

as much rage as i feel, god has been faithful in my dispair and has been able to settle me down and remind me that we all commit infidelity everyday in our marriage to christ as the church. what right to i have to want to destroy every damn precious thing in her life when God has overflowing, eternal grace on me when i am just as apathetic and preferably ignorant to my own unfaithfulness?

my hatred of men and women is my most difficult, most seductive struggle of infidelity that i have come to indulge in everyday now.

i hate them so much because in this world, i feel so overwhelmed- that they expect me to play along in their disgusting, pathetic, dishonest, hopeless, childish act for the sake of such a fleeting pleasure that ends up destroying whatever is left of us.

it is a difficult thing to let God take my hate and turn it to love for them. I just feel so safe and wise in my hatred, but really i am just digging myself deeper into a less-commonly-induldged sort of foolishness.

but i want to let him transform this part of me. i don't want it anymore cos i can see all it does is make me dwell on what hurts me most. i want the love, the healing, the only truly transforming, loving, wise response to a world like this. I want his spirit in me. I want to love him.

I want to love her.

yeah well, here's a tegan and sara cover derp derp

nothing's that serious

derp. i have so many half finished songs cos my inspirations keep running out on me, become too vast, or god just flat out solves my problems. i don't rely on music too much, at least i don't think i do, but i think it's becoming more therapeutic now for some reason, idk. but here is something i started writing but haven't finished. i wish i could record a harmony over this video cos it makes it sounds super prettayyy

ugh

this is important

speaking of which

2 nights ago:

Chase Beaucanon i had a dream that i had an weird steel african baby jesus sculpture the size of my hand and i got it after this like post apocolyptic thing happened and like everyone's lives were different. cillian murphy worked at the grocery store and i creepily stood like 3 feet away from him at his seat at the front of the store, in one hand i held the baby jesus sculpture and in the other hand i was eating pizza, just staring very intensely at him and for a while he ignored me but then he just turned around and stared back at me for liek 10 minutes straight until finally he was like ok fine i will become american. then he made me BLT sandwich and in the park he gave it to mean and i flipped out cos i guess it was his way of proposing to me in my dream and i ate half of it and while half of it was inmy mouth i tried kissing him with like mayo and bacon all over my face and he finally let mewhy can't this be real life

Yesterday at 2:13pm · Comment · · See Wall-to-Wall

• Brittany Dorozio likes this.
• • 

    Brittany Dorozio this is the best version of the world post-apocolypse to date.

    23 hours ago · · 1 person

plz be my wife cillian

i feel desperately in need of encouragement lately,. i am feeing very alone a few things. i am so sad about leaving my family and i stupidly have a shred of fear for next year. i haven't felt this way in years and i don't know why i'm feeling it now. i honestly think it's because i recently have reconnected with a few people from high school who i definitely did not need to reconnect with. so many of those people back then brought me down so low and so hard and it's a huge blessing that they are out of my life. but sometimes i wonder where the line lies where you just love someone although they hate you- and when you need to leave them behind you and leave it to god to look after them when you begin to think that if you don't love them, no one will. when you start to take responsibility for their unhappiness. i typically

---

i left this blog post to go see inception with my family.

all that matters now is cillian murphy.

also imho joseph gordon levitt should have been casted by someone else in that movie. derp. he's ok. he was cooler when he was younger and did the voice of jim hawkins and whatnot.

laksdfha

i don't know where to put my anger when it comes to men and how they treat women, and the women who go along with it, or even want it.

discipline your goddamn sons.

teach them rape is wrong. teach them domestic violence is wrong.

i don't know what to do.

gurl power

it's easy for me to become really annoyed with american feminists because their idea of furthering women's rights solely surrounds the topic of abortion- but there is SO MUCH MORE to accomplish.

and those feminists annoy me because they've made it so that 'women's rights' are a joke to most people, especially men- young men. we haven't the slightest idea what it's like to be treated like NOTHING and regarded as a mere shell for the furthering of childish men's pride. i can't imagine it. it tears me up inside. the mere thought of being taken advantage of- because i know i can be taken advantage of solely because i am a woman for numerous reasons- drives me nuts. it makes me grind my teeth, makes my stomach churn, it brings up hate directed at no one in particular, just.. men. and everyone who refuses to take the subject seriously.

rape jokes, wife-beating jokes, women-in-the-kitchen jokes are just really old to me now. the older i get and the more exposed i am to the reality of how little power females have over men (a lot of it having to do with our own decisions) the more bored, annoyed, unamused and sickened i am by those who do find that kind of humor funny. it's funny to them because to them it's not real- it's something so horrible that we can make light of it cos it seems so far away from our lives that we don't see such serious persecution and discrimination in. i understand that. but really now i can't hear something like that and not think of the women/girls i know, and the ones i don't know who have had to experience real hopelessness because of their sex.

it's so sad and terrible and ignored and aldga;sldkhf

orange folk

i love god so much and i just want to know him more and more and more and i want to learn to spot when pride starts to creep into my efforts to become more humble. of course that will always happen but i hope he keeps me safe from becoming so hypocritical to the point where it hurts people other than myself.

i was reading genesis last night and every once in a while there will be a story where you're just like wat. but i want to understand what i'm reading. i want to pursue knowledge for the right reasons

yesterday was the second day of RAD and i am so so so sore. i feel awesome though.

also i found this awesome site for gesture sketching and i hope it helps me get out of this dumb art block http://www.posemaniacs.com/pose/thirtysecond.html LOVELY

i felt discouraged todayeee

everything will be okay.

i'm so thankful for today.

i wanna do these things by the end of the summer:

read:

harry potter

the master plan of evangelism

red scarf girl

nancy drew and the hidden window (the nancy drew convention is in charlottesville this year!!! this book is the theme)

play:

nancy drew: trail of the twister

learn to draw action poses and stuff!!urghg

i never thought i would be sad for this summer to end but i'm starting to get scared that time is going to zip by me toooo fast. i wish i didn't have to sleep ever . that would solve so muchh

everything will be okay yes yes

i love everyone

i want to always know how to love everyone

i have amazing friends i just wish i could be there for them all and stuff

just gonna keep praying that's all i can do. leave it up to god who's the only one who's in control when it comes down to it.

i'm so happy for that

i cant imagine where i'd be now if he hadn't completely overwhelmed me when he did.

i want to love and help show high school girls the things i wish i knew when i was their age- and the things i was blessed to know then, too. EVERYONE needs to know this good news

everyoneeeeeeeee. i am so blessed to know already

so tired and in a weird mood

ninight

WHY AM I SO BAD AT BEING GOOD

all i did today was watch avatar. season 3 is sooo good every episode is just perfect.

i'm 53% earth bender, 20% air, 20% fire, and 7% water bender. love love lvoevolvoelvoe water bending is cool but the WATER TRIBE IS DUMB ann from arrested development does katara's voice. egg. derrr

i also cut my hair. it's ok. i wish i knew how to get this back:

i was totally lou back then :( iwant it back. I WANT IT BACK. but how :(

nothing that cool today.

RAD classes start tomorrow. i hope it is good yay

i have a lot of cups on my desk

today i went to express to buy jeans and the guy who helped us, his name was patrick and had great blonde hair who was cool and i thought he might have been gay but yeah. we talked about hair and stuffs at the cash register and he told me about how he went to guatemala and when he came back it was really long and gross and i was like oh what brought you to guatemala? and he said that he works with an orphanage ministry and visits the same 100 kids every year and helps out with them and stuff and blablha and i was like whoa that's so cool so you're a believer? and he made this very definite face and smiled and said OH yeah, you better believe it babalbalbh and he told me what church he goes to and it was really cool and I JUST WANNA SAY it was very cool because i never thought i'd meet a cool christian guy who spends $140 on his hair cut. it was an awesome reminder on why you shouldn't judge a book by its cover haha.

i got really awesome jeans btw they're very michael jackson/tegan and sara/awesome/etc.

in more serious newz

this morning in church a guy who was sitting by himself in the second row got up and turned around after a hymn was over and everyone sat down, and he said to the congregation, "attention everybody, there is going to be a nuclear attack on new york very, very soon." and he sat down. our pastor,caught offguard just said , "excuse me sir, sir." but it had passed. later, during the sermon of the guest pastor he quickly stood, turned around and repeated what he had said before. it was really creepy and of course i'd never be RELIEVED that someone is mentally ill but i was secretly hoping that was the case rather than the guy having some sort of inside information or utterance weird thing whatever i don't know. it was just really scary. the second time he said this a couple men escorted him out and the whole church prayed for him after he left. they later informed us that he was just a "very troubled young man" and that he needs prayer and that he has been to a number of churches doing the same thing.

after church we saw a couple cop cars outside, and later, an ambulance.

i was kind of sad about this but my mom made it make sense to me why the church (i'm sure they didn't call the police right off the bat) handled things the way they did.

a few years ago this happened: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,316322,00.html

so folks around here are pretty careful about cases like this.

really scary

unrelated, but i've been to new life- it's a really disappointing, emotional, touchy-feely megachurch that seldom ever reads verses from the bible in context, and hardly ever talks about sin for what it is. it's sad that they ahve so many people and they are missing so much.

i can't imagine being there when this happened, though. :/ their church has had a lot of crap happen, but they are still so weak, it makes me so upset- megachurches are so weird to me- there is no possible way for a church of that size to have any unity at all. maybe in small clumps, but philippians is teaches that unity in christ calls for so much more than that.

i wish i could do something about it urgh

at the beginning of church when the guy first stood up and said what he said i thought to myself, that if our church was not the type to reach out to people like this- if no one tried to approach this guy with love and understanding- if everyone in our church was too scared- i know that i would want to be that person to do it. but i thought again- that being a girl definitely makes it different. if i were a man, though. I LOVE MEN AND WOMEN WHO FEARLESSLY STAND UP FOR LOVE AND JUSTICE AND GOD'S NAME YEAH YEAHEYAEHAYEAH i want to be like that. i want to know people like that. i want to help others know my desire to be like that.

RAD course starts on tuesday. gonna kick butt etc.

i love my dad and today is his last day of leave- makes me sad. i wish he had more time to do what he wanted- i wish he had stuff he wanted to do. we haven't taken a real vacation since i was in 5th grade before he went off to saudi arabia for a year- and i don't remember many before that either. when i have a family of my own (i hope i have a family ofmy ownnn) i hope that i'd be able to learn what it's like to have healthy relationships in a family all around. this gets kind of ridiculous and i didn't realize how weird we were until i went to college. but thankfully i also realize taht we are still a lot better off than sadly, so, so so many other families.

i love god for being the only one i need. i can't wait for young life. everyone needs to hear this and i'm so glad for an opportunity to share with highschoolers the good news i was so blessed to know when i was their age. yay yayayayay

smelly saturday

i, on the other hand am dealing with a very opposite issue. it's such a strange feeling to be faced with something so speculated to be compromised for. gosh it's a weird feeling! and how it changes so much else- the way you see yourself, the way you view others, the way you spend your time alone. but it's exciting this way. shouldn't it be this way? i think it should be this way. if this doesn't last forever (and sitting in my desk at 2am i stupidly wonder if i would have a problem if it did) i think that god wants me to learn something from it now, today, sitting in my desk at 2am. and i am glad for it. i am starting to see the results of god's love outside of myself- that even in these feelings i am learning that there doesn't have to be fear in reaching out in love. i don't want to get carried away of course but it's interesting and beautiful that distance does not deter god's plan for us.

a few minutes ago i was trying to find the post to jodie that i made a long time ago about "back in your head" by tegan and sara which is obnoxiously one of my most favorite favorite songs that are eternally stuck in my head. the demo version is very different from the version on the album and it gives it an entirely different meaning to me when i listen to it. when i hear it, i think of the most painful relationship i have had the opportunity of experiencing second-hand. derp.

that's a cool thing that god has done for me many, many times- especially this year. i have been able to see a lot of different relationships within my family and of my friends' that have taught me so much about what does and what does not glorify god. and through this i have really begun to get a picture of what i really cannot compromise in whoever i end up with/if i end up with anyone at all derp derp. he has also been so graceful as to teach me more and more what love is supposed to be according to the example he has given us in jesus christ.

it's super cool and i'm even more glad that i can talk to others about it who are struggling with all the poo poo that comes with TRYNA FIND LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES DER

i watched avatar allll dayyyy. zuko is such a well develope character urgh. i hope i can make a show that somehow can live up to the awesomeness that show achieved.

i'm sinking back into a saloon music and pixies obsession and i am very glad for this.

also i miss erin. my baby. my cutlet.

i have a cool blazer and no real reason to wear it.

it's so hard being me....YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

AND ONE LAST THOUGHT:

I CAN'T WAIT

TO BE

A

YOUNG LIFE LEADER

HAPPY 2 SAY

I'M BACK IN THE MOOD FOR THE PIXIES

and kim deal is too cool.

realized so much love

i guess can hold it somewhere for now.

also my older brother left to return to DC today. sad bablahb. i wish our family knew how to get along better so we could have spent all the time he was here wisely.

yesterday we all went whitewater rafting and GOSH IT MADE ME WANNA BE A COWBOY/INDIAN SO BAD and i couldn't stop thinking of our story and ambushing scenes and pickbocket boy doin the pony express thing. but yes today i am so sore. my bum, my thighs, my stomach, my back/shoulders/chest are sooo sore urgh. that's probably why i accidentally slept until 3 PM TODAY WOOPSA DAISey.

i am making velveeta right now. today is meleia's birthday and i am super stoked i dont know what we're doing but yay she is alive and yay she was born yay.

boo at people who don't get excited/worried/disgusted with you about things you are really freshly passionate about . what does it hurt you to just show a little sympathetic enthusiasm for my or my best friend in the entire world's SAKE URGH

god is so good. so good so good so good so good.

i started reading harry potter in the car yesterday. i was reading really slow and finally my lil bro bro thomas was like "yeah chapter one sucks" so it helped me truck on. it is prettay cool.

i'm reading the bible sooo slowly i have to find another time to read it other than right before bed. i'm in the part of genesis where's all just geneology and im like derrr. p. but i will read it anyway.

i am sad because i thnk about me leaving colorado /my family because ifeel like things are better for everyonew hen i am here, it makes things even out and it makes it just less stressful/lonely/sad in the house. not cos of me of course just because there's another person in the house than my parents and tom.

however i am very very excited to go back to richmond. i hope i am ready i hope god makes me ready and i hope i will have taken this summer to its fullest by the time i get backk.

i want to

start readin the newspaper

and

start loving

everyone more than myself

letz do it

i know what i feel AND I FEEL IT RITE NOW.

it'd be cool to cover a song with someone right now or something.

listen to this al if you please, or if you don't, at least go to 1:40 and listen on after that.

i misszzz this.

why oh why

i know, it's nuts.

i love balloonshop more than words can express. I THINK... I THINK THEY MAY HAVE CALLED IT QUITS. this is the worst. i mean i know good things can't last forever but i am going to sit on my butt and sulk/cry/barf about it anyway.

today i saw "how to train your dragon" for the third time in theaters and even the third time around i am ASTOUNDED by how good and beautiful and hilarious and cute it is GOSH i want to be a part of something that good so badly. to my imaginary audience... see this movie.

i am sad that it came out the same year as toy story 3 because of course ts3 is going to win best animation of the year. but it's not fair because ts3 began so long ago and has a following- but how to train your dragon was one of the most original things to happen in the past decade. the story/concept were soo charming and perfect. it's dreamworks- and lots of dreamworks movies are eh because they lack the family-oriented discretion that disney and pixar have. lots of times in movies like shrek there will be mature jokes that kind of make me cringe cos i know there are children in the audience. but in how to train your dragon i was so delighted to hear the little kids squeal in the audience at the pure humor and the beauty of the animation throughout the entire movie. this is a movie i would buy to own. i wish every movie director/animation director put that much heart and thought and love into their work.

speaking of which avatar:the last airbender the movie was a joke hahaha. 8 % on rotten tomatoes but i can't start talking about that or i will never stop. so i will just stick with saying i am absolutely speechless. this review says it perfectly, that it "would be blissfully forgettable if it weren't so blazingly incompetent."

the night before last night i had a very interesting dream and i haven't finished writing about it but i think i have come to think that it isn't very important to write it down because it has served its purpose. god acts in mysterious and awesome ways. MAKIN STRIDES YO

i read the first page of the first harry potter book today derp derp derp and i read the first page of "the master plan of evangelism" yesterday too AND IT'S SO DIFFICULT THAT I WANT TO READ LIKE 4 BOOKS AT ONCE and never know where to start urgh.

the master plan of evangelism

harry potter (hannah and i had a pact that i would read them this summer)

red scarf girl (my little brother really wants me to read this - about communism in china and how it sucks)

and of course the one year bible i am plowing through at about 3 pages per night? i want it all at once but i am very slow and i read it before bed and usually can't understand what i'm reading after about 7 minutes. i just want to be as honest as possible about this so that i can be real with myself and change it. of course i am also taking it very slow that i understand exactly what i am reading but at this rate i will finish it like 100000 years from now. i want to be more diligent about this. there's no reason why i can't be.

i wrote a letter today whilst sipping tea. i hope that makes me classy. next year i will have no choice but to be classy because our apartment is wicked cool. I AM SO STOKED.

i hope hannah is safe in mexicooo and i hope nicole is safe in our empty, empty apartment.

going white water rafting tomorrow or something probably going to die

ok bibi

"nineteen" - tegan and sara cover

running down the aisle

BLOG TIME

for jesus and art and and.

started 1:12 AM july 6, 2010

colorado springs

let's see how long this lasts.

this is the summer before sophomore year at VCUarts with a major in kinetic imaging, concentration in animation, no minor declared.

going to start as a young life leader this year.

goals:

one year bible

own at guitar

make songs and cover songs

draw draw draw. animate.

develop stories. create new stories.

krav maga

read books

love love love others more and more than myself

and once again and most of all:

learn to thank god for what he gives and for what he takes away.

let him make it more and more real to me that he calls for me not to let him coincide with my life but to be my life altogether.

i know for sure that when he is the lord of my life, all else will aline in suit. time and time again he has proven this to me.

i no longer have to be afraid to pour out. my confidence is no longer in other people or myself. he is my all in all.