smelly saturday

i, on the other hand am dealing with a very opposite issue. it's such a strange feeling to be faced with something so speculated to be compromised for. gosh it's a weird feeling! and how it changes so much else- the way you see yourself, the way you view others, the way you spend your time alone. but it's exciting this way. shouldn't it be this way? i think it should be this way. if this doesn't last forever (and sitting in my desk at 2am i stupidly wonder if i would have a problem if it did) i think that god wants me to learn something from it now, today, sitting in my desk at 2am. and i am glad for it. i am starting to see the results of god's love outside of myself- that even in these feelings i am learning that there doesn't have to be fear in reaching out in love. i don't want to get carried away of course but it's interesting and beautiful that distance does not deter god's plan for us.

a few minutes ago i was trying to find the post to jodie that i made a long time ago about "back in your head" by tegan and sara which is obnoxiously one of my most favorite favorite songs that are eternally stuck in my head. the demo version is very different from the version on the album and it gives it an entirely different meaning to me when i listen to it. when i hear it, i think of the most painful relationship i have had the opportunity of experiencing second-hand. derp.

that's a cool thing that god has done for me many, many times- especially this year. i have been able to see a lot of different relationships within my family and of my friends' that have taught me so much about what does and what does not glorify god. and through this i have really begun to get a picture of what i really cannot compromise in whoever i end up with/if i end up with anyone at all derp derp. he has also been so graceful as to teach me more and more what love is supposed to be according to the example he has given us in jesus christ.

it's super cool and i'm even more glad that i can talk to others about it who are struggling with all the poo poo that comes with TRYNA FIND LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES DER

i watched avatar allll dayyyy. zuko is such a well develope character urgh. i hope i can make a show that somehow can live up to the awesomeness that show achieved.

i'm sinking back into a saloon music and pixies obsession and i am very glad for this.

also i miss erin. my baby. my cutlet.

i have a cool blazer and no real reason to wear it.

it's so hard being me....YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

AND ONE LAST THOUGHT:

I CAN'T WAIT

TO BE

A

YOUNG LIFE LEADER